But I did take notice to how unreasonably controlling I am and want to be. In literally every single aspect of my life.
Ya'll, like this is sad. lol
I was just praying to God about my situation and how frustrated I was about my trials taking so long to get through and just worrying about how long I would have to keep not doing what I want to do, how long my surrender would last.
God was like hold up ..... for real?!?!
He spoke to me, as I was going off at the mouth about how much I couldn't stand waiting and being patient in my surrender and how I was (trying to) secretly think in the back of my head how to get around it... He showed me how controlling I am. I literally am trying to control my own surrender to God.
YOU KNOW it's sad when you try and control your own surrender.... -.-
This is how it usually goes:
God speaks to me about giving surrendering something in my life to him > I do it > Then stop doing it when I feel like its enough.... ???? How is that even right?
I'm praying thinking, "awesome, yeah! im surrendering this to God! oh yeah! oh yeah!" But in the meantime im worrying about what is going to come out of this whole situation, what this really means, and when it's going to end. And then I start doing more than worrying, I begin to put my own end to it, and I begin to time it myself.
Guys, I know this is NOT what God wants. He wants me to surrender- Okay, check!.
But He wants me to surrender whatever I just surrendered to HIM! - Okay, dont check!
Yeah, I got to work on this. But I just thought it was really crazy how crazy I am, and I might not be alone in this.
Choosing faith over worry really is key. It may always be the right time to surrender your heart to God, but we've got to stick with it. Not 3 weeks in and were tired of it and trying to manage it ourselves, that is NOT true surrender, thats playing with Gods heart!
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