So this morning, I began reading John chapter 20. I have been reading John all month pretty much and absolutely loved it. I've read it before, but no quite like this. I encourage you to read through this gospel of John sometime, and dig deep.
Anyways, I actually didn't want to read this morning. I did, but I was getting so anxious about time. And about how much more time I would have to study (for my test TOMORROW!) after I sat and had a quiet time with God. I dont know, I was getting worried, like "Ehh, maybe ill do this after I sit and study for two hours, then I'll come back and do this, cause' thats guaranteed time" lol OH silly me! I then thought, nahh thats foul. God is gonna see my heart. And He is gonna see that his word isn't my first priority.
Anyways, obviously I ended up reading it, and let me tell you I am so glad I did.
This chapter of John is when Jesus resurrects from the dead after he has died on the cross and its been three days. yada yada yall know that. Okay so, Mary Magdalene, came to the tomb and saw that the stone had been rolled away and that Jesus was not in there. She called all her peoples ( the disciples) and was like guys , I dont know where Jesus is...
Now, the disciples were shocked like OMG, whatever. But THEN they saw Jesus clothes and were like ahhh I see what He did there, He rose from the dead. No biggy. So they went home, leaving Mary.
This is the best part. Mary is crying and weeping, for she had thought not that, Jesus resurrected, but that someone took his body!
Two angles , just chillen where Jesus was lying before, asked her why she was crying, and her response was that they took away my Lord, and she dosent know where he is now. She was actually in despair and thought someone took Jesus away. She was freaked out.
But then, Jesus actually came. Of course ! lol... Okay yeah so Jesus came and asked her, why are you crying? who are you looking for? But Mary literally didn't even know that it was Jesus who was behind her, She didn't turn around she just glanced over her shoulder, she thought it was the gardener of the tomb. So, she goes on to tell him that, wherever he put Jesus, she would go and get him, she just asked that he would tell her. She's like really upset and is almost pleading with Jesus,who she thought was the gardener, to tell her where he put the actual Jesus.
Then Jesus, said, "Mary!" and at that point she knew it was Jesus and turned towards him and said "Teacher" or "Rabboni". She was excited! Omg, how excited would you be, like I would go crazy lol.
So anyways here is what threw me off, and drove me to even question anything. I read through this part and thought, what in the world?! I was so just scared and afraid... This is what Jesus said according to Mary's reaction to seeing him: "Don't cling to me, for I haven't yet ascended to the Father. But go find my brothers and tell them that I am ascending to my Father and your Father, my God and your God"
I was like... uhhh what? Dang Jesus it's like that? Like she cant even give you a hug or cling to your rob, like you let all those other people? I was asking the question, why not?! Why not!? Mary was so overwhelmed and like happy that the Lover of her Soul was ALIVE and not dead! Wouldn't you want some comfort and some embrace?
Well heres what I found out through some commentary and this is what I wrote:
"17: I am so thankful for this clarity. I was so afraid and a little confused at this scripture. I was blown away and started to question Jesus' character. Why won't he let her hug him? She misses him! He rose from the dead and she was joyful and wanted to show him that.
I put the label on Christ that he was not being fair and even somewhat mean to Mary.
It also scared me that Jesus didn't long for that affection with His people.
But I was wrong. This exemplifies Jesus' character so much! He tells Mary not to touch him and hug him and whatnot because HE KNOWS that Mary will almost probably immediately believe that He is here to stay. Her heart will latch onto that thought and prepare to wander on with the thought of living with Jesus after He rose, just as she was able to do with Lazarus. Jesus did not want to break her heart. That is so beautiful. He knows us so well, he even knows that our actions towards him can harm ourselves. Jesus wanted Mary to understand the resurrection instead of getting caught up in the fact that He was here on earth.
I think He wanted to instill a sense of urgency amongst her, saying; get ready not for me, but for life without me, and be introduced to the Holy Spirit. He didn't want her to become comfortable with that thought in her mind and even her heart.
I thank Jesus so much for this character instilled in him. And the fact that He is so kindhearted, even to the point of his resurrection. He looks out for us so much you know?
On the daily, Jesus is watching your back and giving you cues on what to do to, how to follow him, so that you won't break your own heart.
But why do we get hurt? heartbroken? feel pain? lonely? hopeless? Because half the time, we're not even tuned into Jesus. We don't always hear him because we are diverted with so many other distractions, that we literally don't even know He is speaking to us. We don't follow his instruction when we DO hear it.
I pray that (& this is for myself also) we begin to open up our hearts to Christ so much, that we CAN hear his cues "My child, go this way", "My child, beware of this" , or "My child, stay where you are". I pray that when we do hear these cues that our hearts would be softened enough to obey them, and to follow his lead! "
So yeah, I just wanted to share this today because it affected me so much. It really taught me to be more open to God and to the Holy Spirit, Jesus is trying to teach us daily, but we are so caught up in studying , and whatever goes on that we literally dont even hear him talking. I need to pay more attention to Jesus! Not just go through the motions of reading the bible then going to class or going to study. But reading, relfecting and understanding that this is all that matters, Jesus speaking is so important.
God bless!
