This evening at around 6:15, Bus "#1", carrying UCF students full of the Holy Spirit with the burden of the Lord on them , pulled into the Barbra Ying parking lot to part their ways and get back to the flow of everyday life. Before they prayed together , blessed the bus drivers, went through announcements and exchanged numbers as they departed our their ways, before they wrapped up the weekend with a "Holy chant", all 50+ of them were able to be apart of Campus Harvest and experience the love of God in an extraordinary way!
I went to Campus Harvest last year. It was great! But I was distracted and disobedient and as a result, did not receive anything from the Lord (didn't receive anything I was willing to obey at the time).
However, this year, things were much different.
One of the major things that affected me and my heart, was people. The people I got to experience this conference with. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about how much love was there. How much I felt from a group of people I was sure did NOT think had any love for me. I've gone back and forth so much with the feelings of doubt and shame because I didn't "fit in". But God seriously worked in that so much this weekend.
Not only did he allow me to connect with many girls who I honestly thought I wasn't going to connect with at all, but he allowed me to open myself up, show my personality and be accepted for that! It is amazing how much I look back and realize how much my insecurities held me back in the past and how much it really does keep me from being who I am. This weekend I felt at home! I felt God pushing me towards family. It may not be EXACTLY where I want it to be, but it is DEFINITELY getting there! And that is literally something I can only thank God for! He is awesome!
Another thing God placed on me was his sweet Holy Spirit! I am pretty sure, God wanted to show all of us, EVERYONE at CH a glimpse of his heaven and his paradise. Because from the testimonies I've heard and the experience I personally had, it seems to add up.
The "Holy Chant" is what they're calling it.
The "Holy Chant" is what happened on saturday night, as all the students were led into worship by Jon Owens and the rest of the Worship Team, with the song, "We Cry Holy". And I could seriously cry right now at the thought it all.
As we were worshipping together and people were receiving the Holy Spirit, some for the first time, God took over and showed me what heaven would entail. He unfortunately had to (I say unfortunately because I should already know this) tell me Heaven is NOT about me, or us, or food and whatever. He told me that He his HOLY! He is and will always be Holy and thats what heaven is about : God being Holy, forever! I do not need to worry. I need to choose to have faith in his holiness, worthiness and mightiness, and that He, as holy ,worthy and mighty as He is, will never fail at being that REGARDLESS of everything that happens in my life. REGARDLESS of the bad things and the things I want to be sad about and want to worry about. That little piece of heaven I felt and God showed me was breathtaking and overwhelming! I can not wait!
Lastly, but surely not least, God highlighted the call in my life for discipleship!
I have been running from that word for - like- ever!
I honestly did not realize that, that call for making disciples is for everyone in the Kingdom of God.
God placed that burden for the lost back on my heart after I pushed it off. And showed me that how I am sitting here, thinking I dont need to worry about discipleship now because my call in life is nursing, and i'll take care of all that discipleship talk at the hospital in 5 years, that I am oh so wrong.
The time is now. There are people I love, and that God loves, that are literally walking, skipping, running their lives to hell. This is not God's plan. I am not confined to my major. Just because I am not a theology major and I dont want to be a full time ministry youth pastor whatever really does not mean anything. God's command is to make disciples. So thats what I need to do, if I plan on living my life for him.
Phew. This weekend makes me want to cry. I did not want to leave. I dont want to go back the motions of this life. I want to sleep, wake up, and worship God.
So that's what I will do, worship God in my apartment, my workplace, my family, my church, my actions, my words; with my life.
There are still so many blank spots, unanswered questions, and issues to be dealt with. But im holding on faith that God will put everything together in his timing!!
