Feeding Time.

I am experiencing so much lately about the Holy Spirit, it's kind of crazy.

God is doing some crazy confirmation in my life. This week, I have been really discouraged. Thinking there was something wrong, I didn't feel like I was pushing hard enough or that the spirit was pushing me hard enough. You know how you just don't feel completely there, like you're close but there's like an inch left but it feels like a mile!

I don't know, I was crying out to God asking for help to fight off this flesh and what it wants to do. It's so annoying!! It gets in the way so much (for me at least).

After meditating on Romans 8 and Acts 1 ( for the past 2 days) I've come to some conclusions.

-The spirit is ALWAYS willing, and the flesh is ALWAYS weak.

-But the flesh can grieve (burden,cause suffer, distress) the spirit.

I truly do believe that the flesh can push away the spirit that, if we don't show up and show out, if we don't work hard, if we slack off, our flesh will overtake the work of the spirit.

   I think about it like feeding. You can either feed your "spirit man", or your "worldly man". Either of them can drive the body depending on which one you feed most, and what you feed them. So If I claim to have the Holy Spirit in me, but I do, think, believe things that are feeding the flesh, then I'm letting my worldly man drive my body (or life). Things like, watching pornography, gossiping constantly, cursing, etc. But even things we SEE as harmless like, listening to certain music, watching too much TV, eating too unhealthy, focusing too much on school or vice versa, skipping church every other week along with devotionals, I could go on.  These things may not seem to be that serious or harmful but if were looking at a spiritual level, they are dangerous and destructive. I believe this. I believe that its a fight, it's hard work. I believe it is so important what we feed ourselves and by that I mean our spiritual selves (because that IS what we are). You cannot feed a plant molded milk, and let it sit in a dark closet instead of giving it water and light, expecting it to grow or produce its fruit... the plant will die, no matter how hard it tries to do what is is supposed to do, as it keeps getting fed the wrong things, the things that burdens its growth, that grieves its life support, it will die . You can't expect to "do right" and "live eternally" if you are constantly feeding your spirit the things of this world, the things you KNOW make you stumble, that you know will stunt your growth and grieve your spirit. Eventually it will take a toll on your spirit and it who's going to be driving? The worldly man, the flesh wont just grieve spirit, but you will be completely without it. 

Ive seen this so much in other peoples lives as well as mine. The more days that go by and I do things, watch things, laugh at things, and let things go that I shouldn't, the more I like forget about the Holy Spirits work, I forget the urgency and the importance of it in my life, I "forget" to wake up 2 hours early to spend time with God, I forget to make it to life-group  I forget to bless people at work, I "forget" about the spirit. Why? Because I was feeding my flesh, I was letting it grow and come to the surface more than my spirit. I was letting my flesh grieve the Holy Spirit. I've seen people completely fall off  spiritually because of little acts that feed the flesh. It's is so disastrous.

With all that said, the main point of this whole thing, is that it is hard work. This morning I believe God spoke to me and just told me to keep going, doing what you're doing, pushing toward the spirit, He let me know its not going to come quick and its not going to be simple. We have flesh, it is ALWAYS going to be weak and in that weakness it will grieve the spirit. But like I've said before, we don't have to  be O.K. with that concept. I don't want to! I know everyday is a spiritual battle and everyday is a fight to push through "ourselves", to move the worldly man who wants to drive us, over and to be led by the spirit. I have to work hard at this, and I feel like I have but it's gotten tiring, and I was just ready for it to be time already... But honestly, now, I'm ready to accept that. I'm ready to work hard.